


feel

by veryconfidentsandwichshapedfreedom



Category: Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Honestly I'm not sure what this is, Internal Conflict, Italics Overload, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, POV Peter, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, ambiguous setting, but it happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 23:24:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12023256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veryconfidentsandwichshapedfreedom/pseuds/veryconfidentsandwichshapedfreedom
Summary: i wrote this and i don't even know what it is so dont ask





	feel

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this and i don't even know what it is so dont ask

"I love you," Drew whimpers. It's so low and soft that it nearly disappears beneath the emptiness of silence itself, overpowered by the stress of its own fleeting existence. His words themselves seem to know that they will change everything in one brief moment, and now, they have grown too nervous to carry on, stuttering and stumbling over themselves until they emerge as nothing but a breathy sigh.  
  
It's the first thing he's said to me since we got here, and I wish he'd said anything else. I wish he'd told me that he hated me, that he wanted nothing more than to see me dead, that he'd only followed me around for so long, with such a fervent loyalty, to make me trust him so that he could shatter my heart into a million pieces and permanently warp my view of the world with a calculated act of betrayal. I wish he'd told me that the universe was ending, or that the walls of this room are about to collapse onto us, crushing both of us into nothingness and ending our lives before we even realized what was happening to us.  
  
Because at least, then, I'd have a better idea of what to do. I've never considered the notion of Drew not being my friend before, and I've never faced death, something everyone, no matter who they are, only can look directly in the eye once. But I'd know where to start, with those situations. I'd know what to do, how to fight, and even if I lost my footing and fell, I would not find the hopelessness necessary to give in.  
  
For the first time in my life, I've been left confused, locked down in terror, and utterly, thoroughly, completely lost, with no hope of escape. And _Drew_ , the most predictable person I've ever met, someone who values silence and worships the mundane, and doesn't possess the mental capacity to do much else but follow and be a good sheep, is responsible. I may have been able to better cope if it had been anyone else. But I have no response, nothing rehearsed or prepared, because nothing could have ever convinced me that this, or anything like this, could happen. Not with _him_.  
  
For years, our entire _lives_ , I've looked at him, but never _seen_  him, heard him, but never  _listened_ , felt him, but never _touched_  him. He's loved me all along, in spite of the way I treated him like the dirt under my feet, or perhaps, _because_  of it, and I'm not sure which scares me more.  
  
It should have been so obvious. The way his pale eyes shimmer when his gaze catches mine, with a fervent passion, a longing that I've never seen replicated, not even in the most passionate of romances, not through the heaviest forms of desire. He's followed me at every turn, every opportunity, even when it risked his reputation, his life, his future. He's struggled and fought and suffered to accomplish everything I've ever asked of him, even when I made it clear he could reject my request, even when it was obvious that he wasn't physically able.  
  
I was stupid not to see it.  
  
A hot rush of shame sinks through my gut, radiates through every bone in my body and flares in my cheeks. I don't know what to say. What if that's enough to make Drew see through every delusion he's ever had about me? I fear that if I stay silent, he'll view me as the cruel, hopeless, disgusting failure I am. He'll see me how  _I_ see me, and I will be rid of the only person who's ever stayed with me, despite everything I am; I'll be rid of the only person who has ever been able to admit to loving me.  
  
So, if only to pacify him, I say the first words that come to my head.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
I don't know how or what to feel.


End file.
